You Alone

Trusting. These days, trusting seems more like hanging on to a frayed rope that is unraveling beneath my grip as I desperately cling to anything, something that I once knew to be true. Do I fear falling? Or could it be the fear of having to admit that my faith, though sincere, still lacked something that was keeping me from experiencing that abundant, joy-filled life that I knew existed, yet still lacked. Yes, I have faith, but do I really TRUST You Lord? Do I abandon myself daily, to your care? I must admit that I am filled with anxiety most days and I have an endless agenda containing remedies that are meant to make me "feel" better. But, none of that is working. Let me put a braid in that rope, repair it, make it stronger. I'm sure there must be a great article on the web that can teach me all that I need to know. The Google gods are always available to help! Self Sustaining, Self Reliance, Self Improvement... are these the enemies of Trust? When I am honest with myself I have to admit- If I do not trust You well, then I may not know You well. I do not need more prescriptions - I need more of You! The lie that started in the garden, haunts me still- Is God really Good? Is He keeping me from the good thing that I want? If I really believe that God is good, and that He wants to give me what is best (the desires of my heart), then why wouldn't I trust Him? When I rely on myself apart from Him, I am declaring that I am God. And the serpent whispers- " you will not surely die, but you can be "like" God." So I've trusted in my own abilities and wisdom, and made my own decisions. Sure, I've prayed about it after, so that I would feel better, but woe to those that call evil good and good evil. This is where Adam and Eve fell, and this is where we fall. They doubted God's goodness and in so doing, stopped trusting God. The moment we do that, we are in defiance. We willfully break the only fellowship that has the power to save and deliver us. Love can not be love unless there is trust. Do not say you love God, if you are unwilling to trust Him. We mistakenly believe that trust must be earned, but the kind of trust I am talking about is a gift of love we give back to the One we are trusting. It is a vote of unwavering confidence and tangible evidence that we are willing to become vulnerable, even through situations that we do not understand, knowing, and all the while believing out-loud for all the world to see, that the object of our trust is GOOD. Father let me know you well, so that I might trust you well, for this testifies that my love for you is real. I'm letting go now of that worn out rope, but I am not afraid,  I'm confident that your arms will be there to catch me and lead me home.